Rejection Sucks, Navigating The Crappiest Job Search of All Time
This summer, I was contacted by an executive recruiter who was working with a company that was hiring an HR leader. After the conversation, I met with the hiring manager, was asked to complete a Case Study then came in for an in person interview.
I walked out of the interview with a really good feeling. The conversations flowed and I was informed of next steps (meet with the CEO).
Three business days later, I got a short rejection email. There wasn't a lot of information except that what was needed for the role was something I didn't possess.
That rejection hit HARD.
My experience isn't unique. We’re navigating an unprecedented (ugh, I know) job market: a landscape cluttered with fake jobs and AI hiring tools that gatekeep the best candidates, it can drain even the most resilient candidate’s confidence. Whether you’re chasing a career-defining growth opportunity or just trying to find a way to pay your rent, the stakes feel higher than ever.
Either way, the emotional weight of this process is heavy, and rarely discussed. It’s uncomfortable territory, but as always, I’m ready to lean in.
Feel Your Feelings But Manage Your Reactions
Your initial reaction may be to hit reply and throw some anger back at the person that hurt you, I certainly did.
But after that email, I took many deep breaths. Many. Then, I walked away from the computer. In fact, I don't remember going back into my office the rest of that day.
I named my feelings. I was shocked, disappointed and miffed. I really felt like everything was pointing to a different outcome. How did I get it SO wrong?
I talked to friends and got some really good hugs. Later, I reached out to colleagues and asked how they handled these rejections and got some really good advice. I took care of myself gently over the course of the next few days - my dinner was something yummy, I went out for coffee, I walked Jada extra long. I watched a lot of tv to distract myself.
Ask For Feedback, But Don't Expect To Get It
Once the immediate anger dissipated, I sent an email to the recruiter - he was my point of contact so I asked for feedback. I wanted to know how I misinterpreted the signals.
He didn't work for the company, so I assumed he might be more willing to share information with me. Another surprise - he never responded.
A week or two later, I reached out to the hiring manager directly and said “hey, if I showed proof of this skill, like a certification, would you reconsider me?” He responded that the expectation was being set by the CEO not him.
Don’t be afraid to ask why another candidate was selected or why you they determined you didnt meet the qualifications. It’s very rare to get feedback, but some company’s may respond. It never hurts to ask.
Use The Experience As Information
Once I was able to reflect, I realized I liked there were parts of the job that fit, but it wasn't perfect. I liked the idea of being able to work with a client that was so people-focused but, it was very obvious from the follow up email that the head of HR was not able to have full autonomy, which to me said that there was some bureaucracy that was going to drive me nuts.
Now, as I think about what that perfect role looks like, I have to make sure I understand who owns what parts of decision making and who will override decisions from the senior most leaders. Those are things I’m looking to get clear on when I interview in the future.
Not every rejection will feel so crappy, some of them might actually relieve you! There have been times after the immediate feeling of rejection where you actually feel better - that’s helpful data too. That means something about the role, manager, company wasn't going to be the right thing for you… Reflect on that as you continue in your search.
For me, upon reviewing the data, I realize I needed my compass was pointing me in a different direction and for now, that’s where I’m headed.
Add Your Own Whimsical Ritual To The Process
Rejections kept coming while I was processing all this. Even though these were from jobs that I never had a chance to do anything but share a resume online, it was continued proof that I wasn't qualified. I seethed everytime I received one. I was in full self loathing mode.
Eventually, I decided to leave the pity party I was throwing myself and came up with a silly way to handle this. Every time I got rejected, I would buy myself a scratcher. I figured, let’s have some fun and if I make a little money while I’m doing it, even better! And if I made a lot of money doing it, I wouldn't have to find a job anymore! LOL
Fast forward a few weeks, I was out at lunch and glanced at my email, another rejection. Instead of saying, “I got rejected again”, I said to my friend, “hey, do you mind if we stop at a gas station? I have to buy a lottery ticket”. That pivot has has helped my outlook so much more than any “you’ll be fine” BS anyone has said to me.
Rejection sucks, yes. It’s the price you pay for putting yourself out there.
You are still capable and your story isn't over. Shift your focus from the close door to the open road. And maybe treat yourself to that lottery ticket while you're at it.
